Bein Adam LeChaveiro: Mitzvot ha’ben al ha’av
From the very beginning, the creation of the world, the Torah tells us humans are created in God’s image.[1] God’s commandments to Noach and his sons also mention that “human was made in the image of God.”[2] Yet God’s communications with humanity seem focused on Avraham and Sarah and their children.
Avraham is “the father of many nations” and promised “all the nations of the earth will be blessed through you.” This is His public persona. His son Yitzchak is chosen to continue his path and inherit these blessings.[3] Avraham has certain responsibilities for humanity in general, which is why God informs him of the plan to destroy Sodom; but Avraham’s primary responsibility is for his son Yitzchak, the focus of his attention.[4]
Mitzvot ha’ben al ha’av: A father’s responsibility for his son’s mitzvot
The mishna in Kiddushin states: “All the obligations of the son on the father (mitzvot ha’ben al ha’av), men are obligated and women are exempt.”[5] The gemara explains this refers to a father’s responsibility for certain mitzvot related to sons.[6] The Tosefta details:
“What is an obligation of the son on the father (mitzvat ha’av al ha’ben)? To circumcise him and redeem him and teach him Torah and teach him a trade, and arrange a marriage for him. And some say to teach him to swim in the river. Rabbi Yehuda said: Anyone who doesn’t teach his son a trade teaches him to be a thief.”[7]
Avraham seems to fulfill all these roles as a father. He is the first father to circumcise his son, Yitzchak, when he is eight days old.[8] God chose Avraham, “For I know him that he will command his children and household after him and they will keep the ways of God to do righteousness and justice.” God knows Avraham will teach his children “Torah.”[9] Avraham is also the first person the Torah describes as arranging his son’s marriage – finding him an appropriate bride and spending whatever money is necessary to secure her hand.[10] Avraham also seems to redeem Sarah’s firstborn at akeidat Yitzchak (the binding of Isaac), when he offers a ram on the altar in place of Yitzchak (although in future generations it will be performed with money).[11]
Different types of obligations
These obligations are grouped together in the mishna and scattered throughout Avraham’s story, yet there are important differences between them. Notably, most of the mitzvot can also be performed by other people. Only one is specific to the father: the mitzvah of redeeming the firstborn.[12]
The Torah juxtaposes redeeming the firstborn son to the plague of the firstborn, which possibly only affected firstborn sons (because God refers to the Israelites as “my son, my firstborn”).[13] According to a beraita, if a father does not redeem his firstborn son, then the son is obligated to redeem himself (when he is old enough), indicating that the mother is unable to perform this mitzvah for her son. Halakha rules accordingly.[14] When the father is unavailable or unable, the child must redeem himself when he reaches halakhic majority.
The mitzvot of brit mila (circumcision) and Torah study are different. On one hand, the father bears primary responsibility. While there are different ways to understand a father’s responsibility in respect of his son’s circumcision, the obligation to teach him Torah is significantly more straightforward; “you shall instill them to your son,” “you shall teach them to your sons.”[15] On the other hand, the community is also somewhat responsible for ensuring that boys are circumcised and that they study Torah.[16] Ultimately, when the boy grows into a man, he is obliged to ensure that he has been redeemed, circumcised, and that he studies Torah.[17]
As for marriage, the father’s obligation is derived from a verse that addresses the collective, as opposed to the singular:
“So said the Eternal of hosts, the God of Israel to all the exiles that I have exiled from Jerusalem to Babylon. Build houses and settle and plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and have boys and girls and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to men, and have sons and daughters and multiply there and do not dwindle.”[18]
Practically, a father’s halakhic obligation to arrange these marriages is expressed through financial support and arrangements, rather than more meddlesome actions.[19]
The mitzvah of redeeming the firstborn son seems to be inherently different from the other mitzvot on the list. The first son, like other sanctified “first fruits,” inherently belongs to God. The mitzvah of redemption is one of deep personal gratitude, and the responsibility can’t be passed to someone else.[20]
The mitzvot of brit mila, Torah study, and marriage are national mitzvot: perpetuating the covenant between God and the Jewish People, passing the torch of Torah, and building the next generation. These are the building blocks of society, so if an individual can’t handle it on his own, society steps in to carry the burden. The mitzvah of pidyon ha’ben focuses on the action, while these other mitzvot are results oriented.
This seems to reflect an important principle. Individuals have certain obligations. The community should come together to help achieve these goals, but the Torah placed the initial obligation on the family and the head of the family (who at that time had the financial means). Taking care of each individual family member’s needs is priority number one. If, for any reason, the family is unable to fulfill these needs, then society steps in to help.
[1] Bereishit 1:27
[2] Bereishit 9:6
[3] Bereishit 17:5; 12:3; 17:19; 26:1-5.
[4] Bereishit 18:19
[5] Mishna Kiddushin 1:7
[6] TB Kiddushin 29a
[7] Tosefta Kiddushin 1:11 (Liberman edition)
[8] Bereishit 21:4
[9] Bereishit 18:19
[10] Bereishit 18:19
[11] Bereishit 22; Shemot 13:11-13 (doesn’t mention how the firstborn is redeemed).
As for a trade – Yitzchak digs the same wells as his father dug, in some way continuing his path. (Bereishit 26:18) Interestingly, the midrash connects Avraham’s son Yishmael, who left his father’s home before adulthood, with theft. (Sifrei Devarim 348) There’s no connection between Avraham and Yitzchak and swimming, but Yaakov does cross the river with his sons.
[12] TB Kiddushin 29a. The passage juxtaposes pidyon ha’ben to aliya l’regel (pilgrimage festival), which is also reminiscent of Avraham, since the story of the akeida has elements of aliya l’regel (goes up to the place God chose to offer a sacrifice with the men of the family).
[13] Shemot 11:5; 13:10-15.
[14] Pitkhei Teshuva Yoreh De’ah 305:3.
[15] Circumcision: TB Kiddushin 29a; TY Kiddushin 1:7; Author’s dvar Torah on Lekh Lekha: The father and mother’s role in brit mila
Torah study: Devarim 4:9; 6:7; 11:19.
[16] Circumcision: TB Kiddushin 29a; Mishneh Torah Hilkhot Mila 1:1-2; Shulchan Arukh Yoreh De’ah 261.
Talmud Torah: Over time rabbinic takanot (ordinances) shifted the responsibility from the father to the community. For reference: TB Bava Batra 21a; Mishneh Torah Hilkhot Talmud Torah 2:1; Shulchan Arukh Yoreh De’ah 245:7.
[17] TB Kiddushin 29a-b
[18] Yirmiyahu 29:4-6; TB Kiddushin 30b.
[19] Ketibat banim dikhrin (a ketuba for male children that gives a specific woman’s sons the financial rights of their mother if she dies before the father and if he has children from another wife), was established so people would give their daughters dowries, to help them get married. TB Kiddushin 30b; Ketibot 52b.
[20] See Sefer HaChinukh Mitzvah 18.
