The Mosaic of Our Lives: Cherishing Our Broken Pieces

The blue ceramic plate broke as I was loading the dishwasher, it just slipped through my hands. So, I threw it away, thankful that I didn’t get cut. If something is not easily fixed, or no longer serves a purpose, we usually throw it away. Why keep something broken?

Tammuz is a time of brokenness. It’s a month where the luchot habrit were broken. The walls of Jerusalem were broken. And the mazal or sign of the month, the crab’s hard exoskeleton splits, broken, before a new shell is formed.

Surprisingly, the stone tablets thrown to the ground by Moshe Rabbenu were saved. Forever kept in the holy golden aron, along with the second set of luchot. “And I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke, and you shall put them in the ark,” (Devarim 10:1-2. See Talmud Bava Batra 14b) “them,” in plural, implies both the new set and the original broken set of stone tablets were to be eternally stored in the ark.

לוּחוֹת וְשִׁבְרֵי לוּחוֹת מוּנָּחוֹת בָּאָרוֹן

The whole tablets and broken tablets are placed together in the ark (Talmud Berachot 8b).

The breaking of Jerusalem is re-enacted at every wedding with the breaking of the glass under the chuppah. Brokenness again and again, mixed with hope and song to forever remember Jerusalem.  A quick search online shows many companies offer to create keepsakes, sentimental enduring artwork out of smashed glass.

The rejected shells of various sea life are often collected and saved by beachgoers, added to impressive collections or used to create jewelry, wind chimes or countless other whimsical creations. The discarded broad, flat crab shells are popular collectors’ items as well.

So, what is the phenomenon of keeping things which are broken? The broken luchot, the symbolic breaking of Jerusalem, the broken symbol of the month of Tammuz? And does this mean that I should have saved my broken dairy plate in the hopes to one day use it to create a new mosaic table-top, going against all attempts to declutter?

Saving things for possible future use, however unrealistic, is different than saving something which is broken and cherishing it. The month of Tammuz teaches us about broken things and perceiving their sanctity.  Even though the first tablets were broken, their sanctity obligates us to still treat them with respect (Berachot 8b).

In discussing the making of the second set of luchot, the midrash (Shemot Rabbah 46:2) associates it with the destruction and rebuilding of Jerusalem, the casting of stones and the gathering of stones. There is a time for everything, a time to break and a time to build.

עֵת לְהַשְׁלִיךְ אֲבָנִים (קהלת ג:ה), תִּשְׁתַּפֵּכְנָה אַבְנֵי קֹדֶשׁ (איכה ד:א)

 וְעֵת כְּנוֹס אֲבָנִים (קהלת ג:ה) בּוֹנֵה יְרוּשָׁלַיִם ה’ (תהלים קמז:ב)

“A time to cast stones” (Ecclesiastes 3:5) – “sacred stones are spilled” (Lamentations 4:1). “And a time to gather stones” (Ecclesiastes 3:5) – “the Lord is the builder of Jerusalem” (Psalms 147:2).

As Rabbi Nachman of Breslov famously says “if you believe that you can damage, believe that you can repair (Likutei Moharan 112:1)- אִם אַתָּה מַאֲמִין, שֶׁיְּכוֹלִין לְקַלְקֵל, תַּאֲמִין שֶׁיְּכוֹלִין לְתַקֵּן.

This emphasizes that moments of breaking are not the end, but rather opportunities for repair and growth. Much as a muscle tears many micro-tears under the duress of lifting weights, and it is the process of repairing these tears that builds more muscle, our breaking is an opportunity for growth.

Sometimes a hard shell can limit our growth. The breaking of the shell is only a sign that we are under construction. Every so often, in some measure, we need to be broken, exposed and vulnerable so that a new bigger life can be built. Carol Dweck explains that “the fixed mindset does not allow people the luxury of becoming…” (Mindset, pg 25), where any failure is considered proof of being a failure. In a growth mindset, we recognize that failures are part of a process that help us grow, and they are welcomed. It is not one and done. The crab without a shell is at its most vulnerable and “there is no courage without vulnerability” (Brené Brown). The unshielded place of brokenness is an important albeit difficult step in personal development.

There is an aspect of punishment and wrong doing, indeed a failure of the Jewish People at the time of the breaking of the luchot and the breaking of the walls of Jerusalem, both of which happened in Tammuz. The disguised emunah message in the cancer sign of this month, however, is to remind us that brokenness does not mean total failure. We believe in a growth mindset where we can reframe every misstep as a stepping stone in a greater journey to maturing and developing as individuals and as a nation. We struggle with feelings of brokenness and are strengthened to know that it comes from Hashem in order to fuel something greater.

In Ruhama ben Yosef’s song, “Yehi Ratzon,” she offers lyrics of a prayer, for each of us to merit to fracture and to grow back stronger and more beautiful (רוחמה בן יוסף • יהי רצון)

יהי רצון שלא אפחד לגדול

לזהור כמו פרח במדבר

להסכים להישבר, לכאוב

May it be Your will, that I will not be afraid to grow

To be radiant like a flower in the desert

To agree to break, to be in pain

 

May we break and grow and break again. May we cherish the parts that have broken and see how far we’ve come and the lessons learned. As a people we have seen so much brokenness and pain and we also see so much growth and love. May we collect all of our broken pieces, blue ceramic plate included, and appreciate the beauty in the mosaic of our lives.